Friday, September 24, 2010
Pandoraah gets her end away
So... Stench of oil/fuel. Erm, not good. Ignore it. But there's a snail trail and... Hmm. What's this? A puddle? Ohhhhh shit. Long story short - gleich am 8 Uhr, we find ourselves at the Reparatuer or however it's spelled. "Wait half an hour" he tells me. Erm, ok. Nervous. Ruby sniffs her way around the back of the neighbouring supermarket. Ok. Back to the waiting room. "Damen Magazine" distracts me for a few minutes. "Fertig!" calls a lady from behind the desk. Oh God, primed for painful revelations. But what's this? It's fixed? "Es ist nicht so schlimm" she says. 35 Euros. Half an hour. German efficiency. Impossible in England, incredible to experience. Thank God.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
definition
Keren, n.
One who says what everyone else is thinking but is too polite to say. One who must exercise great awareness of the junk coming out of her own mouth lest she say something incredibly offensive. Sometimes funny, sometimes appaling, never boring.
:/
One who says what everyone else is thinking but is too polite to say. One who must exercise great awareness of the junk coming out of her own mouth lest she say something incredibly offensive. Sometimes funny, sometimes appaling, never boring.
:/
Saturday, September 4, 2010
other weird things about Germany, these more disturbing than the last
1. EVERYTHING IS CLOSED AT THE WEEKEND. That's right, in Germany it's Sunday evening all day Saturday and all day Sunday. I mean even the clothes shops are closed on Saturday afternoon. So are the coffee shops. The only thing open is the odd chain store and the supermarkets. But even then it's a half-hearted affair. Town is empty. Even big cities - EMPTY!! I have so many questions about this, I don't know where to start. Firstly, WHAT DO PEOPLE DO ON SATURDAY????? Correction - what do 24 year olds do on Saturday? Cos there don't seem to be many around to ask. And how does one go clothes shopping? Do you have to take a day off work for Chrissakes????
2. No-one dresses up - or down. It's the same clothes every day: weekend, daytime, evening, workwear... A generic unflattering T-shirt with a waterproof jacket on top, badly-fitting jeans, and the ugliest shoes I've ever seen! It's bizarre. Needless to say the girls don't wear make-up - it's very rare to see even some mascara. And the hair is either tied back in a generic ponytail or hanging loose. That's it. It's so freakin' weird, I can't actually get over it. No-one is wearing a skirt, even! I mean don't they get bored of the same clothes all the time? I love dressing up and picking new outfits! Don't they do that here? I guess clothes are ridiculously expensive compared to the UK but still... It doesn't mean you have to buy boring identical ones does it? Or... does it? :S
3. Work starts super-early. 8.30 is medium, 8 is ok, 7 is good, and 9 is just lazy/late. Unbelievable. I mean, starting at 8 and finishing at 4 - now that would be good. But no! Start at 8, finish at 5 or 6 - sometimes even later! What the hell!!! Combined with point #1 above - when do these people go shopping? When do they drink coffee with their friends? When do they do anything at all?!???
I'm gonna find some Germans ASAP and demand ANSWERS. (I can't go on like this for another 8 weeks.I will seriously crack. They'll be picking bits of my brain off the ceiling for WEEKS, man! It's Saturday! AND THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON! NOTHING IS OPEN! NO-ONE IS IN TOWN!! Not even any cars about! Even in Penrith, there'd be a traffic jam about now!! ARGH!!!!!)
2. No-one dresses up - or down. It's the same clothes every day: weekend, daytime, evening, workwear... A generic unflattering T-shirt with a waterproof jacket on top, badly-fitting jeans, and the ugliest shoes I've ever seen! It's bizarre. Needless to say the girls don't wear make-up - it's very rare to see even some mascara. And the hair is either tied back in a generic ponytail or hanging loose. That's it. It's so freakin' weird, I can't actually get over it. No-one is wearing a skirt, even! I mean don't they get bored of the same clothes all the time? I love dressing up and picking new outfits! Don't they do that here? I guess clothes are ridiculously expensive compared to the UK but still... It doesn't mean you have to buy boring identical ones does it? Or... does it? :S
3. Work starts super-early. 8.30 is medium, 8 is ok, 7 is good, and 9 is just lazy/late. Unbelievable. I mean, starting at 8 and finishing at 4 - now that would be good. But no! Start at 8, finish at 5 or 6 - sometimes even later! What the hell!!! Combined with point #1 above - when do these people go shopping? When do they drink coffee with their friends? When do they do anything at all?!???
I'm gonna find some Germans ASAP and demand ANSWERS. (I can't go on like this for another 8 weeks.I will seriously crack. They'll be picking bits of my brain off the ceiling for WEEKS, man! It's Saturday! AND THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON! NOTHING IS OPEN! NO-ONE IS IN TOWN!! Not even any cars about! Even in Penrith, there'd be a traffic jam about now!! ARGH!!!!!)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
a few pics of the travels =]
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| mileage (kilometreage?) at start of journey |
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| waiting to be let into the ferry terminal at Dover |
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| not my VIP lounge... |
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| my personal VIP lounge |
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| posing next to my personal porthole in my personal VIP lounge |
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| a nice pic of an idyllic-looking German road... |
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| service station... looks similar from the outside but inside bears no relation to a British one... |
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| "Yeah, I quite fancy a pack of Mentos, but then again, I could really do with a shot of Jaegermeister".... ... Er, yeah. We're definitely not in England anymore. |
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| We've arrived, but poor Rubychen still has NO idea what the heck is going on! |
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| A gap in the rain!!!!!!! |
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| a slightly romantic picture of the shower block =] |
things that are different/weird in Germany.
1. Trees EVERYWHAARR. The town doesn't even look like a town, it looks like a village in a forest that just takes a bit longer to drive through than you'd expect of a village.
2. NO SIGNPOSTS ON CAMPUS. Yes that's right. No sign to Reception, no sign to the Library... Hell, not even a sign on the OUTSIDE of the buildings. THAT'S RIGHT. I'm in some sort of snackbar that puports to be near the Library. But I have no way of telling what this place actually is. NO. FRICKIN'. SIGNS. I'm working at the Institute for Polymerkwerkstoffe etc. but all it says outside is a big "6". WTF. The only way I found the International Office was by the large crowd of foreign student-y looking chaps and chapesses outside. Seriously. No signs AT ALL. 0_o
3. Driving on the wrong side of the road. :P
4. People are either VERY helpful or VERY rude. Like, going out of their way to be extra nice and ensuring you have everything you need. Usually in semi-perfect English. That or crossing the street to avoid you, while scowling like a scalded cat.
5. Aldi has pretty much all the food it has in England... only at 2/3 the price and 3x the amount of sausage you'd expect. Also, they lack decent cheese. It's all Gouda or Emmental. Yeuuuuccchhhhh. And the chocolate is inexplicably mostly dark chocolate. I had to root around for the milk choc, behind all the "bitter" stuff. But then I spied Kaffee Creme, which is om-nom-nom white chocolate on a layer of om-nom-nom milk coffee-flavoured chocolate. Om nom NOM.
6. They have furry Ugg-style boots here too =] although I seem to be the only person wearing them.
7. They have dog parking places - No, seriously. Pic to follow!!
8. It's so clean, even the builders put down dustsheets to protect the pavements. Yes, there are dustsheets under the scaffolding to protect the PAVEMENT. Crikey!!
2. NO SIGNPOSTS ON CAMPUS. Yes that's right. No sign to Reception, no sign to the Library... Hell, not even a sign on the OUTSIDE of the buildings. THAT'S RIGHT. I'm in some sort of snackbar that puports to be near the Library. But I have no way of telling what this place actually is. NO. FRICKIN'. SIGNS. I'm working at the Institute for Polymerkwerkstoffe etc. but all it says outside is a big "6". WTF. The only way I found the International Office was by the large crowd of foreign student-y looking chaps and chapesses outside. Seriously. No signs AT ALL. 0_o
3. Driving on the wrong side of the road. :P
4. People are either VERY helpful or VERY rude. Like, going out of their way to be extra nice and ensuring you have everything you need. Usually in semi-perfect English. That or crossing the street to avoid you, while scowling like a scalded cat.
5. Aldi has pretty much all the food it has in England... only at 2/3 the price and 3x the amount of sausage you'd expect. Also, they lack decent cheese. It's all Gouda or Emmental. Yeuuuuccchhhhh. And the chocolate is inexplicably mostly dark chocolate. I had to root around for the milk choc, behind all the "bitter" stuff. But then I spied Kaffee Creme, which is om-nom-nom white chocolate on a layer of om-nom-nom milk coffee-flavoured chocolate. Om nom NOM.
6. They have furry Ugg-style boots here too =] although I seem to be the only person wearing them.
7. They have dog parking places - No, seriously. Pic to follow!!
8. It's so clean, even the builders put down dustsheets to protect the pavements. Yes, there are dustsheets under the scaffolding to protect the PAVEMENT. Crikey!!
Friday, August 27, 2010
I'm on a boat!!
Being talked to by a German businessman in the VIP lounge... Thought it would be a good idea to "get away from the riff-raff" in 1st class but... The ferry's so posh inside, this lounge is positively intimidating. I even have my very own "Bond Villian" leather swivel chair, complete with footstool and power point. And the free coffee is actual coffee, served in an actual coffee cup with saucer. OMG. I'm officially in shock.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Leaving York
is so hard to do. I find myself coming up with all sorts of little niggly things I really must do before I leave. In a risible attempt to put off the inevitable, I decide that I really must...
As if it made any difference at all.
To write about concrete, physical things... Umm. Not my forte. Not nearly earthy enough to consider simple objects to be of any particular importance. We're in it for the sky-high, the infinity-bound. There is a rainbow coming, living within the rain, inseperable from what is. Listen... and you just might hear it.
As if it made any difference at all.
To write about concrete, physical things... Umm. Not my forte. Not nearly earthy enough to consider simple objects to be of any particular importance. We're in it for the sky-high, the infinity-bound. There is a rainbow coming, living within the rain, inseperable from what is. Listen... and you just might hear it.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
the longest drive home, told in infamous Gordon Ramsey style.
Final load of knick-nacks going up the M6 at 3.30pm on a Tuesday. Cruising at 50km/h. Bob Marley on stereo, sitting at respectful distance behind furniture lorry.
Information filters into awareness: Temperature warning light flashing. Needle jumping wildly. Ignore information for a while due to faulty logic (previous owner said he had problems with the thermostat and disconnected it). Then... brain begins working and concern kicks in. It's never lit up before, much less jumped about. Perhaps this is a situation requiring some sort of attention. Pull over on hard shoulder. Get out. Check for smoke. Engine sounds healthy, no signs of distress. Proceed to next service station a mere half mile up the motorway. Park up. Check coolant top-up tank. Empty. Ohhhh shit.
Panic lasts approximately 40 seconds.
Back to cab, pull out owner's manual. Flick to correct page, already bookmarked by previous owner. Ummm, what to do? Top up coolant tank. Run engine. Pray a little bit. Get down on knees and peer under Pandora for signs of leakage from coolant pipes, engine pan... Nothing. Notice lorry drivers watching young woman on hands and knees in miniskirt peering under bright cyan T25 in M6 Northbound service station car park. Feel provocative.
Get back in cab. Wait. Worry.
Check top up tank. No change in coolant level. Get back in cab.
Needle goes down, light goes out. Cautious lifting of spirits. Engine sounding healthy. Proceed to next service station. Repeat.
Finally arrive home 4 hours later. (not the 2 achieved pre-dramatics.)
Now Pandora is standing outside the house, awaiting a radiator bleeding and antifreeze topping-up session.
Guilt. If only I'd remembered to check the coolant levels!
Information filters into awareness: Temperature warning light flashing. Needle jumping wildly. Ignore information for a while due to faulty logic (previous owner said he had problems with the thermostat and disconnected it). Then... brain begins working and concern kicks in. It's never lit up before, much less jumped about. Perhaps this is a situation requiring some sort of attention. Pull over on hard shoulder. Get out. Check for smoke. Engine sounds healthy, no signs of distress. Proceed to next service station a mere half mile up the motorway. Park up. Check coolant top-up tank. Empty. Ohhhh shit.
Panic lasts approximately 40 seconds.
Back to cab, pull out owner's manual. Flick to correct page, already bookmarked by previous owner. Ummm, what to do? Top up coolant tank. Run engine. Pray a little bit. Get down on knees and peer under Pandora for signs of leakage from coolant pipes, engine pan... Nothing. Notice lorry drivers watching young woman on hands and knees in miniskirt peering under bright cyan T25 in M6 Northbound service station car park. Feel provocative.
Get back in cab. Wait. Worry.
Check top up tank. No change in coolant level. Get back in cab.
Needle goes down, light goes out. Cautious lifting of spirits. Engine sounding healthy. Proceed to next service station. Repeat.
Finally arrive home 4 hours later. (not the 2 achieved pre-dramatics.)
Now Pandora is standing outside the house, awaiting a radiator bleeding and antifreeze topping-up session.
Guilt. If only I'd remembered to check the coolant levels!
Friday, July 23, 2010
setting up, setting off...
I detest moving out. I like moving in.
I detest leaving. I like arriving.
Must I resign myself
to always experiencing one half of the cycle
as suffering ?
Pandoraah's getting ready. Freshly cleaned inside - new boxes - new dinner set - WD40 on all her squeaky bits - at this moment I am sold on the organisational obsessional promise that shiny and neat conquers all. =]
I detest leaving. I like arriving.
Must I resign myself
to always experiencing one half of the cycle
as suffering ?
Pandoraah's getting ready. Freshly cleaned inside - new boxes - new dinner set - WD40 on all her squeaky bits - at this moment I am sold on the organisational obsessional promise that shiny and neat conquers all. =]
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| Plenty of WD40 and a bit of elbow grease... and the passenger seat DOES in fact turn round. |
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| New melamine set - girly! Ice cream scoop table cover and very well fitting storage box also shown. |
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| Ruby guarding the dust pan in her classic "Lion couchant" pose. |
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